When I was a little girl I absolutely loved life! In my opinion, it was the greatest thing EVER! As a child playing in my own little world, on the floor at the feet of the adults in the household, little fragments of their conversations would catch my attention. I would hear them so passionate yet sullenly state that life was so hard. I would think to myself, “What are they talking about? This is great!” I would just go about my peaceful, playful way thinking there was something wrong with them.
Funny how as we get older and get some experience under our belt we come to understand what the adults were talking about, and we realize they weren’t as crazy as we thought. It’s so sad though. Oh how I would have loved to live my life in that state of childhood bliss. The world was such a beautiful place. I can remember what outside smelled like on a Summer day. I’m sure some of the same scents are with us in this world today, but they felt different in my lungs in the absence of the knowledge of both good and evil that I possess today. Sheer bliss…God was ever present in every moment. The vibrant colors in every flower. Pansies were my favorite for two reasons. #1) They were my favorite aunts favorite flower. #2) It was mind blowing that God could make a velvet flower. I remember getting in so much trouble one day because I picked them from the neighbors yard and brought them in as a gift for my aunty. I had to go and apologize and it was so embarrassing. I had no idea that they had worked so hard to get them to grow. In my young mind, flowers were meant to be picked and shared.
There was this one time that I had gone over to the neighbors house to see if their daughter could play and while waiting for them to answer the door I was mesmerized by their screen door. Have you ever stared at something with the same pattern over and over again and it almost looks like it’s moving. I couldn’t tell if it was 3-D or if it was moving. The mom had answered the door for about a minute before I noticed her and was watching me stare cross eyed at the screen door. They always thought I was a weird kid and I never knew why. Discovering the world through the eyes of a child is nothing shy of wondrous! So many new things to discover and new glories to behold. Why can’t we live that way? In fact in Matthew chapter 18:3-4 Jesus says, “Verily I say unto you, Except Ye be converted, and become as little children, Ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
I get it. We have responsibilities now, and we’ve been broken down by hurts and storms of life. They’ve bruised us and caused us to feel defensive and live our lives on guard in wait of the next trauma that may be lurking around every corner. In the back of our minds there is a little voice telling us that no one is safe no matter where you go or what you do. It’s a scary world out there and it’s noisy too. Finding that quiet peace becomes more and more difficult the more ground we cover in life. If the little girl that I spoke of in the previous paragraphs knew the heartbreak and the loss that she would face in only 10 1/2 more years of life her little brain wouldn’t have been able to process what it would mean for her, but she may have missed out on so much depth and growth. If you had given her a choice, she may have told you, “No thank you! You can take your depth and growth. I’m staying right here in my grandma’s garden pretending that to be a princess. You can give your depth and growth to someone else. Oh, and just a little advice, if you really want them to accept it don’t tell them what they have to go through to get it.”
For the sake of my makeup and keeping this post moderate in length, I’m not going to go into detail about my story, but I will in my next post. It’s time. God has been placing it on my heart to do so for some time now. In fact two days ago his voice was really loud and apparent, so much so that I said out loud, “Nope! Not today! I have laundry to do!”, and I jumped up from the table as though if I sat any longer someone was going to force me to do something I did not want to do, like empty my bank account and give it to a total stranger. It’s kind of funny now, especially because that night I went to the Moxie Matters Tour with some women from Bible study and felt like God was speaking directly to me the whole time. When Nichole Nordeman started singing Every Mile Mattered, I lost it! If you’ve ever heard the song the first State she sings about is California (where I’m from), second state was Georgia (where my sister and I would dream about moving away to together before she got married and left me to move to Washington with her husband). Anyway, I promise I’ll share. I just can’t right now. I want to be able to give it all of my attention and time when I do. I know there are some of you out there that may benefit and maybe you’ll feel just a little less alone and a little hope in the process.
This post is to be continued because I would like to share some insight and tips as to how and what we can do to ‘become as little children’, but first let’s start with pondering in our hearts what it was like for us.
In life and in love,
P.S. Look up the song “Dear Me” by Nichole Nordeman. Feel free to share your thoughts. What would you tell your younger self?